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Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Pan

                  It's not every day that you think about the origins of some of your Disney childhood heroes like the Genie or Peter Pan. Today I am not sure if I can answer all of your questions about our favorite flying boy wonder who will never age. 
                  But I will definitely try to answer as much as I can; and know that my knowledge has come straight from the new Disney film just recently released. So here you have the Piece of Cake Official Review on "PAN."


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                  The film begins somewhat like Meet the Robinsons. A British mother is running through the night in high heels (I commend any woman who can do that. That has got to hurt, so kudos to you if you can run in heels). And one of the most questionable feats of acrobatics occurs right here. The mother freaking jumps over a ten foot high fence without hardly any effort. I'll come back to this.
                  Twelve years later, World War II is in action. Peter is a young boy in the orphanage that his mother dropped him off at, and we establish that he is very adventurous and dangerously nosy. As the war rages, boys have been disappearing from the orphanage, and they haven't been adopted either.
                  In fact, they're being captured by pirates of the notorious Blackbeard. Peter is one of the boys who gets caught, carried away on the ship "The Jolly Roger," Captain Hook's future ship. He goes to Neverland and is mining for fairy dust, which apparently takes away old age for a person. So practically, you can live forever.
                  Blackbeard is looking for all of the fairy dust he can get his hands on, and Peter finds some on his second day of work. On his first day, he is introduced to James Hook, a Western American sort of dude. 
                  *Note: Captain James Hook is actually supposed to be an Englishman who attended Eton College. But... Disney I guess tried to make their own version of Hook.
                  Peter decides to stay in Neverland to look for his mother, whom he has never met. It is later revealed that his mother was a warrior of the Fairy Kingdom and that his father was a Fairy Prince. I don't want to tell you the entire thing, but to be honest, this film had such potential.

Ratings:
Family Friendliness: 9/10- Possibly the best film to take your kids to if they've been itching to go to the movies. Or you could wait until the Peanuts Movie. There is some violence and fighting, and some death, but the people burst into dust instead of bleeding out. So I guess that's always a family friendly plus.

Story-line: 4/10- The plot, I will be honest, was awful. This is probably the lowest score I have ever given in terms of plot ratings, and I am really sorry to be saying that Disney really screwed up this story. They could have done so much more like expanding on the fact that Fairy Dust is what Blackbeard is after. They just sort of passed it by, not even one minute of him rejuvenating himself.

Re-watch Probability: Very low- a.k.a. 5/10. The movie is not worth seeing in the theaters, see it in Redbox. Please save your money for something better like The Martian. Or take your kids to some ice cream.

Overall:  6/10- I know, I'm sorry for all of the parents that may have wanted to see a good Disney film to remind them of their childhood, but this film was simply not good. Disney wanted to make a sequel to expand on how Peter and Hook became enemies, but that probably won't happen what with the awful ratings the film has been getting. Sorry again folks. I was really looking forward to a great Peter Pan adventure. But Disney just simply did not deliver.



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Friday, October 16, 2015

The Martian

                  Do you like Matt Damon? But you absolutely hated him in Interstellar? Well get ready for a film where good ol' Matt is on your side again! And this time he is stuck on Mars for over one year, about 500 days on Mars. But hey! It's a pretty fun adventure, full of laughs, suspense, and a whole lotta science.



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                  The film starts off with Matt Damon and his crew of the "Ares III" Mission to Mars Expedition observing rocks. I know, very interesting. But the action starts off pretty quickly. There is a storm coming, and it is enormous. 
                  The storm hits them, and the crew slowly makes it to their ship to escape. While working their way to the ship however, Mark Watney (Matt Damon) gets hit by some debris and is blown off,
presumed dead. The crew blasts off and begins their journey home.
                  The news goes viral all over the world that Mark Watney is dead. However, Watney wakes up from the storm, and has survived. I mean, duh. Then there'd be no movie, right? Anyway, Watney has got an enormous needle in his gut, and he walks back to the base of the crew and stitches himself up. And guess what??? 
                   You get to see the whole thing... yea, I know, thrilling. So... probably not the best thing to show your eight or nine year old. Then after he's done with his stitching (more like stapling) he lies back and says, "F**k." Don't gemme wrong, it's pretty funny in the theater, but parental discretion is highly advised as Watney really likes to cuss.
                    Watney gets something to eat and then tallies up his food and begins video logs. He explains that he will only last a couple hundred Mars days, and that he is going to have to ration.
Because even if he could get in contact with Earth, he'd have to wait four years for the next Ares Mission to make it up to him.
                     Therefore, his next plan of action is to grow his own food. And it is pretty amazing what he does. Did I mention he's the Botanist of the Ares Crew? No? Well, now you know, and now you know why he is able to actually survive! He makes his own Martian grown food. Pretty sick.
                     But wait! There's more! Not only does he grow his own food, he makes a plan to drive his Ares Crew rover to the site of the landing of the next Ares Mission, "Ares IV." [Four for those of you who aren't so hot on your Roman Numerals, I've got your back :) ] But first he wants to dig up something that was sent to Mars in 1997. You'll find out later
                     So he digs up a radioactive isotope out of the ground (real smart actually considering his
plan) and then utilizes its power to drive the rover a little farther each and every day by doing some hot-wiring and making a portable charger for the rover.
                     At this point, the NASA team realizes something is up. They see that things about the Ares III Mission Site have changed, such as the rover being moved. They finally figure out that Watney is gonna dig up that 1997 vessel, and they figure out how to communicate with Watney through this relic from the past.
                     Now it's a little early to tell you the entire thing, but hopefully I have peaked your interest a little bit. I mean, Rotten Tomatoes viewers rate it at 92%! It's definitely one to see in theaters, and if you can, see it in 3D. Makes it a whole lot more stressful, but better.

Ratings:
Family Friendliness: 8/10 Rovers- The film is pretty friendly, except for the swearing. Overall, it's funny, stressful, and a riveting experience, thanks to Ridley Scott's vision of space.
Story-line: 10/10 Potatoes- This is one of the few times I will ever give a 10 for 10 rating. I have not read "The Martian" book, but I absolutely loved everything about the story in this movie. It was a movie about redemption, survival, and the strength of determination, and the good uses of schooling that we can actually see!!!
Re-watch Probability: Very High (9/10 Spaceships)- You will love this movie so much you will immediately want to watch it again, yet at the same time you won't. You want to watch the riveting experience, but you're afraid to be stressed out again. Still, like I keep saying, it's amazing.
Overall: 9 out of 10 Stars- Two words can sum up everything I have been trying to tell you about this movie:



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