Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 - Official PoC Review

WARNING!
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS!
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!



G U A R D I A N S   O F   T H E   G A L A X Y
V O L.  2



                  The movie starts with the Guardians fighting a giant octopus-looking monster that's trying to take some batteries. It's pretty nasty, and it's got some pretty tough skin. The only thing that's vulnerable about it is it's underside. So you can imagine that the Guardians are having a tough time. And Baby Groot is just running around and jamming out to some music.
                  After they beat the giant octopus thing, they go to the people that hired them, the Sovereign. They're like golden people. It's pretty cool. In exchange for defending their batteries, the Sovereign give the Guardians Nebula. So Nebula tags along with the Guardians as their prisoner. As they're leaving, Rocket steals some of the batteries to sell on the market.
                  Obviously, the Sovereign figure that out and, as you can imagine, are pretty mad. So they send their fleet after the Guardians. And it's pretty cool how the fleet is operated. They have pilots, but they pilot the fleet from a room that looks like Mission Control at NASA, and they're controlling the fleet from there. It's almost like they're playing a video game.
                  So, naturally, the Guardians get outnumbered and they have to crash land. Now, there's these things called "jump points", where a portal of sorts allows interstellar travelers to jump from one galaxy or planet to another with ease. Rocket and Quill get into a fight over who should be piloting the ship, and that's eventually what gets them crashed.
                  Not long after they land, a ship follows them onto the planet, and an older looking man called Ego emerges from the ship. He claims to be Peter's father, and takes him to his planet. Spoiler,
Ego is a living planet, as you can see to the right. This leaves Rocket, Nebula, and Baby Groot to watch the ship.
                  At the same time, Yondu is on a different planet, and is at a bar with his Ravagers. He's been disowned as a Ravager, meaning that he won't have an honorary Ravager funeral once he dies. He's reminded of this by Stakar (played by Sylvester Stallone). Fun fact: Stakar is actually one of the original Guardians of the Galaxy in the old Marvel comics.
                  But anyway, Yondu finds out about a bounty on the Guardians from the Sovereign, and that's how he gets entangled in this whole affair.
                  That's as far as I go, but just know that the film is great fun. There's a lot that's revealed about Peter's origin and his potential as a very important contender in the final battle with Thanos. The movie is also a lot about family, and that's quite apparent as it goes on, especially between Peter and Yondu. By the end of the movie, you've been tear-jerked, shocked, angry, and on the edge of your seat, and then the credits roll and you're left to watch the five after credit scenes. Don't worry, you'll have time to digest everything. Cuz there is a lot!
                  Still, go see it. You won't regret it.



G U A R D I A N S   O F   T H E   G A L A X Y
V O L.  2





Looking for the ratings? Look at the previous post! It's also on the featured post tool bar to your right. Enjoy the Guardians 2 soundtrack above!


Bibiliography:
"Guardians 2 Soundtrack" <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-yjQ7zJTjo&index=1&list=PLDXurPErd9cMilZUmtM1rnQX2hPDjzop2>
"Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Wallpaper" <https://picfiles.alphacoders.com/356/thumb-35660.jpg>
"Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Ego the Living Planet" <https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CsWi5dlVUAAFB_x.jpg:large>

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The Lego Batman Movie

Who didn't love The Lego Movie am I right? If you didn't, please leave. I'm just kidding, but if you seriously did not enjoy The Lego Movie, there's no way you're going to enjoy this film. And if you say you enjoy this one but not The Lego Movie, you are most definitely lying about not enjoying The Lego Movie. Because you can't enjoy this without enjoying the movie before it. Deal with it.


THE
 LEGO BATMAN 
MOVIE


                  Will Arnett reprises his role as the best incarnation of Batman since The Dark Knight Trilogy directed by visionary director Christopher Nolan. And this time, he's dealing with some personal issues while also having to deal with the new Commissioner in town: Barbara Gordon.
                  Now if you're a big DC Comics buff, you'll probably be a little confused about this whole
version of Barbara and Bruce's relationship. I was, too since I played the Arkham Trilogy (phenomenal game series by the way) and their relationship was almost intimate. In this Lego adaptation however, Barbara Gordon is completely unaware of Batman's true identity as Bruce Wayne.
                  Also, Barbara, as I mentioned before, becomes the new Gotham City Police Commissioner, relieving Jim Gordon from duty. Now Jim is not as complex or as driven as the Jim Gordon we know from Nolan's film trilogy. Instead, Lego Jim is completely reliant on Batman and whenever there's trouble, he just pushes a button that turns on the Bat signal. And conveniently, Batman comes to the rescue.
                  At the beginning of the film, there's the typical villain release, crazy plot to drop a huge boat-load (actually a plane load) of bombs on the city and Batman comes and saves the day. The way he beats all the villains is actually the best thing I have ever seen. It was Arkham Trilogy sick, it was Lego hilarious.
                 He comes in with a song and it's actually got a pretty sweet beat to it. So once he starts his rapping, he just wrecks everyone in a matter of a minute or two. The Joker takes maybe an extra 30 seconds to beat, but overall he makes quick work of everyone.
                 Then he goes home to Alfred and his Batcave. From there, he meets Richard Grayson at the party that's held to honor Jim Gordon's retirement. He adopts Richard (later known as Dick) and he takes him on a daring mission to get the weapon that will be able to send villains into the Phantom Zone.
                 And finally, all the villains escape from the Phantom Zone, and Dick, Batman, Barbara, and Alfred save the city. Overall, it's a hilarious ride full of heartwarming storytelling.



THE
 LEGO BATMAN 
MOVIE




Ratings:
Family Friendliness- 9/10 Batarangs This is probably one of the most family friendly movies you'll see out there since The Lego Movie. There's some pretty funny references to past Batman films, and there's one part where when Bruce meets Richard, Richard says "The other kids call me 'Dick'", to which Bruce replies "Well children can be cruel."
Humor- 9/10 Batcaves Left and right jokes, puns, and insults are being thrown around, and they're all (relatively if not completely) clean! It's one that not only kids will enjoy. Adults will have a ball, too!
Story-line- 7/10 Batmobiles It's a pretty cliché story. The bad guy wants to destroy the city because the hero does something to him that hurts him and the hero has to wrestle with his greatest fear in order to team up with other heroes and beat the bad guys. At the end of it all, Batman and the City of Gotham are once again in harmony.
Overall- 9/10 Stars The score should have been 8, but c'mon. This is a Lego movie, and it's one of those films that you'll watch over and over again on Friday nights to lay back and relax. You may even forget about that big project at work you have or that big exam coming up!


Bibliography:
"The Lego Batman Movie Trailer" <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGQUKzSDhrg>

Friday, September 23, 2016

Star Trek: Beyond

Alright so I just got back from vacation in El Paso, Texas, and I gotta put this movie review up before I go and see another movie like... Tarzan??? Possibly. But I will try and stay up to date. Thanks for bearing with me guys.


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                  I actually really like what I pulled off up top. Kudos to me, right? Thanks to those who agreed. But anywho, this was a fun movie. Now, I was kind of disappointed that J.J. Abrams didn't direct this, but I always keep in mind he directed Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens, so I can forgive
him. But I'm still kinda sad.
                 The movie is about the five year journey that the Enterprise goes on, like in the original T.V. series with William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy (may he rest in peace). We pick up on year three (that's "III" or "3" or "1+1+1" just in case you got a little confused XP) of their journey and Captain Kirk is attempting to make peace on a planet in front of an alien council. Well, they don't like it.
                  Kirk presents them a gift, which the council immediately rejects and starts flipping out about. "Where did you get that?!" they demand of him. "It was a gift to you," he responds, not realizing the significance of it. Obviously, we've got no idea either. It looks like one of those
Jaylah, who helps Scottie
hologram projectors from the
Star Wars: The Clone Wars T.V. Series (I loved that show).

                   So the council members jump down at Kirk and start attacking him, which means that diplomatic ties have failed. The Enterprise beams Kirk outta there and they leave the planet. On board, Kirk and Bones have a drink together in celebration for Kirk's birthday, which is the next day. Kirk asks Bones to keep the whole thing low-key, because he doesn't like others knowing about his birthday. Bones agrees.
                    The Enterprise's next stop is the newest and biggest Starfleet Space Station to date. It reminds me a lot of the bigger Death Star in The Force Awakens. There, they're going to get some rest, refuel, restock, and then be on their way.
                    Alright so fast forward a bit and the crew is crash landed on a strange planet in the middle of an uncharted Nebula, a little ways away from the giant Starfleet Space Station. The Enterprise is totally trashed, the majority of the crew is captured, and Bones is with an injured Spock while Kirk and Chekhov are together trying to find Bones and Spock and Scottie. Scottie meets a woman who leads him to an old Starfleet Space Craft, which she has made her home. 
                    What you need to know is that Bones, Spock, Kirk, Chekhov, and Scottie all reunite to save the crew of the Enterprise, and in the process stop a plot to basically wipe out the entire galaxy, usual space kind of stuff. It's a wild ride though, and I loved the visuals and CGI. 




Ratings:
Family Friendliness- 8/10 There's some minor blood, a whole lotta fighting, shooting, punching, kicking, action sorta stuff. It's more action-packed than story really, but the story is... there. I still think that J.J. Abrams would totally have rocked this one had he directed it. 
Story line- 6/10 Like I said, there isn't really that strong of a story. In fact, the story doesn't really show up until halfway into the movie, and by that time you've just lost all hope for a story when it slaps you in the face and you're forced to pay attention again. This wasn't like the previous two Star Treks where the story was there right in the beginning and you have to follow the entire time, leaving you satisfied at the end. But still... it's Chris Pine. He's a fun guy!
Story-Action Balance- 6/10 Personally, I love a movie where it's just action and things blowing up every now and then. But I was honestly expecting a pretty solid story from this third installment of the revamped Star Trek series. 
Miscellaneous- 8/10 It's not that much miscellaneous stuff, but I just wanted to throw in there that I really enjoyed the fact that there was a lot more character development, especially with Kirk and Spock. Their stories were virtually the same (I won't spoil anything) but it also delved deeper into Scottie, Bones, Zulu, Chekhov, and Uhura as a family of sorts. Also, since Leonard Nimoy's passing, they do pay homage to him in the film, which contributes to Spock's development further into the story. Kirk is still growing up a lot, and I like how they show his maturity grow as each film passes. I feel like he is becoming more and more of a man, and by the time the series ends, Kirk will be just as wise as William Shatner's Kirk... hopefully.
Overall- 7.5/10 The math actually checks out to 7/10 but I gave it a little bit of a boost because it's Star Trek. I absolutely love this series and I can't wait to see how J.J. Abrams picks up the story. Hopefully he does a better job than this director. I know he will, I mean, look at what he did with Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens! J.J. will rock it. 




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Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Captain America: Civil War

No words are needed. But there are definitely spoilers ahead, so read at your own risk. I'll put the warning in bold too, just in case you didn't catch it.


WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK


C A P T A I N   A M E R I C A:
C I V I L   W A R



                  The film begins with the Avengers on another mission in Sokovia, looking for the villain who calls himself Crossbones. He's been evading the Avengers for awhile, but they've got him
now. Cap and Crossbones fight, and then Cap has him kneeling in front of him. He interrogates him and Crossbones pulls a grenade pin. 
                          But Scarlet Witch contains the blast and throws him into a building where he blows up, killing hundreds of people. This sends a bad message to the rest of the world about the Avengers, and for good reason. Therefore, a world conference is called, and the Sokovia Accords are adopted by over 150 countries to regulate the Avengers. 
                          Captain America sees this as bad because if the Accords are adopted (and they are), that means that where the governments of the world may want the Avengers doesn't necessarily mean that that's where they need to be. In other words, their right to choose is taken away so as to hopefully
protect the world. 
                          Present at the conference is Black Widow, T'Challa (prince of Wakanda), and many other world leaders. Cap has officially gone rogue, A-Wall, whatever you wanna call it. But him and his team are wanted and are officially considered vigilantes. 
                          Now this isn't all there is too the whole movie. Baron Zemo is actually the mastermind behind the entire operation, because his family died in Sokovia. Therefore, he's angry at the Avengers. However, he knows that he himself cannot destroy them, so he makes it so that they destroy themselves by staging murders that are supposedly done by the Winter Soldier. 
                          Later on you find out that Bucky is innocent, but at one point he does get triggered and turns all bad. But it's okay because he turns back into regular Bucky as soon as he's knocked out. Along for the ride is everyone's favorite comedic hero, Spider-Man! Then we get to see Giant Man and Black Panther kick some serious butt. 
                          If you haven't seen the film already, get up off of your butt and go see it. It's totally worth the price of admission and popcorn and pop. Just do it, you won't regret it.


Ratings:
Family Friendliness: 7/10 Shields- Now, I get it, it's a Marvel movie, and there's nothing sexual or anything along those lines. But you gotta think of the parents that don't like language, and there's a little bit of that. Plus there's a helluva lotta fighting, and there's some scenes with minimal blood. It's still a great film though.
Story-line: 8/10 Accords- Now if you're anything like me, you'd be disappointed that it wasn't the X-Men that caused this whole thing like in the comics. But if you are anything like me, you'll be happy that they made do with what they had. Also, they did a good job of bringing back any and all of the major happenings from the best movies that were devastating to the world. It really ties the MCU together, and I'm happy with everything that they did. Especially with Spider-Man and Black Panther.
Story-Action Balance: 9/10 Webs- Alright this is a new feature. For this film, it did an excellent job of balancing the story and action. While the action was happening, you knew why it was happening. It wasn't a Fast and Furious, "wait, they're crashing in cars cuz why???" You could actually follow.
Comic Accuracy: 7/10 Claws- I'm sorry, I'm just a real stickler about this, but to be honest, what with Marvel had, they did a phenomenal job. Pick up the comics and read. They're totally worth the hours of following.
Overall: 9/10- Technically, the score should be 7. But that's okay, I gave it a curve. If you see it, you'll know why. And it was a pretty generous curve at that too.






C A P T A I N   A M E R I C A:
C I V I L   W A R



Monday, May 2, 2016

The Jungle Book (2016)

Who doesn't love the Bare Necessities? Or who doesn't Wanna Be Like You? "I wanna walk like you, talk like you tooo!!!" Jon Favreau does a magnificent job of bringing the beloved Disney cartoon to life. Get ready, fasten your seatbelts, for The Jungle Book.

WARNING!!! SPOILERS!!!


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Image result for the jungle book 2016 poster
                  Mowgli is a man-cub that changed the jungle forever. And Bagheera recounts his story. The movie begins with Mowgli running from Bagheera and running with the pack of wolves that he was raised with. He's been raised a wolf, but he hasn't grown as fast as a wolf. 
                  We see how Mowgli's been raised as the pack's own, and he is still learning. But he's family.
                  The year drags on and there's a dry season. No rain falls for a long time, and the Peace Rock is exposed. This is the rock where, if there isn't enough water for everyone, they all go to the rock to share the remaining water. There's no hunting, fighting, or preying of any kind. 

                   The rock is exposed for everyone... including Sheer Khan. Sheer Khan is a fierce tiger looking for revenge on a certain man-cub, Mowgli. Sheer Khan's face is partially burned, and he is blind in his left eye. At this point, Sheer Khan has waited about eight or nine years to finally hunt
down Mowgli. He tells Akeela, the leader of the Wolf Pack, that he wants Mowgli, or animals will die. 
                   So begins Mowgli's journey to go to the man-village. Along the way, he encounters Kaa (Scarlett Johansson, Lucy), Baloo (Bill Murray), and King Louie (Christopher Walken). It is an unforgettable journey that will leave you wanting to see it again and again. Oh, and there's a pretty epic battle with Shere Khan (Idris Elba, Thor: The Dark World). 


Ratings: 
Family Friendliness: 8.5/10- No movie can be perfectly family friendly, but this movie is quite near it. There is some killing that may even shock a parent, and it does get pretty violent. But those moments are always outweighed by the fact that the rest of the film is fun! Get ready for those musical numbers!
Story-line: 9/10- Jon Favreau does a phenomenal job of staying close to the original story, and you feel like the cartoon hopped right out at you and was replaced with real-life creatures and a real boy!
Re-watch Probability: Very High (9/10)- Numbers say it all.



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Bibliography: 
"The Jungle Book Bare Necessities" <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dhSdnDb3tk>


Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Batman: Arkham Knight

Hey everyone! I wanted to do another game review, and I thought that this was the perfect choice. I absolutely love the Arkham Video Game series and I am so happy with how Rocksteady finished it off. I hope that I can convince you to buy the game if you haven't already and enjoy it as much as I did!


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                  The game begins with the Joker being cremated at Christmas time. When the flames burst
and spit, the Bat symbol shows up, and Jim Gordon says, "This is how it happened. This is how the Batman died."
                   So you now know that the game is a flashback, a story told to someone listening. And that someone is you as the player. You begin as a cop in a coffee shop that grabs some coffee and a bite to eat. A civilian approaches you and says that there is a man smoking in the corner of the restaurant. You confront him and are blasted with fear toxin by none other than Scarecrow himself. 
                    Scarecrow makes a city-wide broadcast warning that Gotham would be covered in a cloud of his new and more lethal fear toxin. The city evacuates within several hours and Jim shines Batman's light in the sky. You assume control of Batman and fly over to him. 
                    You guys talk, and if you look closely, you can see the raindrops rolling down Jim's jacket, and the mist in his glasses. You can also see Batman's breath as he talks in the cold, and there is an occasional riffle to his cape as the wind blows here and there. In short, the graphics and visuals are stunning, Playstation 4 or XBOX ONE. 
                    You then begin the hunt for Jonathan Crane (the Scarecrow if you didn't already know
that) and are aided by Oracle, our trusty and dearly loved tech operative. Here you are introduced to the all-new, all-purpose, and totally sick Batmobile, the vehicle every Arkham fan has wanted to drive since it was first introduced in Arkham Asylum. 
                     Learn how to use it properly in driving and blowing things up with a Vulcan Gun and a 60 mm Canon that rips apart anything standing in your way to shreds. It is AMAZING!!! Free-flow combat is back and better than ever, with all new challenges, enemies, and some old friends that you can team up with to take down your opposition. 
                    Predator system is as beautiful as ever, and your foes have new technology that can detect your Detective Vision, so you better learn how to make due without it, as they can also pinpoint your location if you use it for too long. Sentry drones are now a new challenge on top of the Arkham City-introduced land mines. 
                    But don't worry! The vents are still here and are your best friends... that is until your enemy soldiers send bombs down them and try to smoke you out. But to escape those, vents can now
be traveled to and from each other using vent chutes. If you're on a perch point and you spot a wall vent, grapple to that sucker and you'll travel down to below your enemies' feet. There we see the brand new takedown system that will make you pee your pants. 
                   That new system ladies and gentleman is called the "Fear" System. When you're below two or three enemies, you can shoot out of the grates and take three armed men down in quick succession before they ever have time to aim down the sights and pull the trigger at you. 
                   However, as O.P. as this new feature is, it's a one-time use until you silently takedown a single individual without getting caught. So make sure you don't abandon your old-time Arkham Asylum and City tactics. After taking down one guy silently, the "Fear Multi-Takedown" ability is recharged.
                  Loved the Wayne Tech upgrades? Well, they're back and now, they're harder to get. You'll still get upgrade points, but now if you want to buy new abilities further down the tree, you've gotta be patient and save those suckers for later. Cuz if you spend em all in one place, you'll have a tough time advancing in the game. Seems like Rocksteady went Grandma on us saying "Don't spend it all in  one place now, dear!" 
                   And don't get me started on the new travel system! You can still grapple up to places and fly off of em hella fast, but now, with your new suit, there is a Grapnel Mark III that makes you shoot up faster than ever before. Remember how you had to double tap "A" or "X" to make yourself go faster in Arkham City? Well, try triple tapping it and you'll go CRAZY fast! 
                   Diving system is amazing like before and now that you can jump from crazy high buildings like Wayne Tower, Angel Diving has never been more fun. You'll want to find Wayne Tower and just Angel Dive over and over again when you're bored. Bored of that? Blow stuff up with your Batmobile. 
                  And I haven't even gotten to the story, bro. But lemme tell you, it is a solid campaign, full of twists and turns and on-the-edge-of-your-seat moments. I'll drop a little egg for you guys: The Joker is back. And Mark Hamill has returned to play his iconic role, funnier and darker still. He's there for some nice comical relief when a situation's gone really bad, and a lot of those show up lemme tell you. But ol' Uncle J is there for ya, don't worry.


Ratings: 
Story-line: 9/10 Batarangs- I loved the story. Well, the main campaign that is. I'm at the end and am trying to 100% it right now, so I can't tell you what happens when you do. But I'm sure it'll be great. The story really engages you and once or twice I was on the verge of tears. Yes I'm afraid we lose some dear friend(s). [You'll see why I did that () once you've gotten to the part ;)]
Graphics: 9/10 Batmobiles- Stunning, lifelike, and breathtaking. Get on top of Wayne Tower and look at Gotham. It is truly a beautiful city, and you'll have plenty of time to soak it in. Just make sure that when you're going on a chase that you explore as much as you can and appreciate all the columns you're about to demolish. And don't worry, it's only you, cops, and bad guys. So nobody minds a couple of buildings and highways missing pillars and windows.
Fighting Mechanics: 10/10 Buildings- There is no such thing as perfect, but this Free Flow System is about as close as you'll get to stunning perfection when fighting a hoard of grunts. As soon as you get the hang of it, you'll just want to pick fights everywhere you go. And don't worry about singing, they already know who you are, and you don't need to tell them that you're the mighty mighty Batman. ("Everywhere we go, people wanna know, who we are. So we tell them, we are the __, mighty mighty __" but Batman version. Don't get it? Sorry, can't help you there.)
Replay Probability: Very High (9/10 Batsuits)- Don't put down that controller, don't you dare. There is so much to this game that you can play with, explore, upgrade, and destroy that it is impossible to get bored. Oh! And once you beat the primary campaign, New Story+ is back. Just make sure you're prepared, cuz it's gonna feel like hell.
Overall:  9/10 Stars- What are you waiting for?!?! 





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"Evening the Odds"


"Father to Son"



Bibliography: "Batman: Arkham Knight" <http://siliconangle.com/files/2015/02/54e51560da563.jpg>
"Batman: Arkham Knight Batmobile" <https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7AykgIIWdPM/maxresdefault.jpg>
"Batman: Arkham Knight Trailer: Evening the Odds" <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxa34RatmSc>
"Batman: Arkham Knight Trailer: Father to Son" <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsf78BS9VE0>